A new year whispers promise of new beginnings, change or at the very least a resetting of the clock.
Or maybe that’s just me.
2018 has been monumental, with extreme highs and lows, making creativity feel like a chore many days and yet if it didn’t happen, an itch would begin creep into my fingertips, through my arms and into my mind until sitting down with a blank piece of paper seemed the only reprieve from insanity.
What I’ve learnt this year is that everyone deals with a complex mind, and everyone needs an outlet. Getting that gunk out from your head and into sport, art, music or conversation seems like it should be as natural as breathing out. If we only breathe in, we’d eventually pop.
At the end of 2017 I was burnt out from trying to be an inauthentic version of myself. I didn’t know what I wanted, so logic assumed “Just do what you think people expect of you”. Unfortunately, what I thought they expected of me was more than what I could physically offer, and not sustainable long term.
In November 2017 I found myself lying on the bed in the spare room of my best friends house (thank heavens for her), unable to do much except breathe. I focused on my breath, my body, and trying to fix whatever was wrong with me that couldn’t just be happy.
Then, I gave up on trying to fix it, realizing that was exactly what i’d been trying to do this whole time, and clearly my plan for myself wasn’t working. I rediscovered the meaning of faith, and handed it all over to a power higher than my own (whatever you perceive that to be).
In January of this year, I breathed out. I let go of my marriage, my job, a lifestyle that wasn’t working, and people in my life whom I needed to, simply because they were, well, heavy. I stopped trying to please everyone, and although it wasn’t pleasant, the repercussions weren’t as bad as my nightmares had convinced me they would be.
I made the decision to become self employed, moved to the other end of the South Island, and trusted that no matter what, 2018 was going to be ok.
It’s been more than ok, wonderful infact. Its never perfect, but like Sheryl Crow crooned in the 90’s, No one said it was going to be easy.
Working for myself is a whole other ball game, but now I’ve tasted it I wouldn’t change a thing. In a world evolving towards a wave of freelancers and online entrepreneurs, i’m excited to see what 2019 has in store not only for myself, but humanity in general.
To sign off on this year, i’d like to share with you my favourite 9 creations for 2018.
Happy new year 😁